Sorority Row (Remake)

Director: Stewart Hendler

Country:  USA

Tagline:  The Sisters of Theta Pi Are Dying To Keep a Secret

Plot: A reimagining of the 1980's slasher, The House on Sorority Row. It tells the tale of a sorority prank gone wrong, resulting in the death of their 'sister', and in true slasher style an unknown killer stalks each of the girls for payback.

Verdict:  The film boasts talent like Audrina Patridge and Step Up 2 star Briana Evigan, and was nominated for two, yes TWO, Teen Choice Awards. Why? I really have no idea. This is basically a 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' sort of film, but with even less originality. The premise is weak and it totally rips off a whole list of better slasher stories such as 'Scream' (Spoiler: Another psycho boyfriend? Really? This one doesn't even have a half good reason either), an axe to the bathroom door? Can anybody say 'Here's Johnny?' not to mention the hooded killer, sorority party killings... I could really go on forever and they don't even use these blatent copy cats as a clever homage either! Give it a go if you want to see Audrina Patridge impaled by a tire iron though.

Screaming Dreams

Hello all!

Recently I have started editing and writing/designing for local publishing company Screaming Dreams. They focus on fantasy, sci-fi and of course horror, with an online magazine and various books in print so go and check them out! Hopefully I will be starting a mini comic strip for them... just need to start brainstorming! Screaming Dreams are always looking for new writer and artists to submit to their online magazine so please go ahead and give me and email at alice@screamingdreams.com

More reviews coming soon - I promise! I just haven't had much time lately, so bear with me guys! x

Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon (2008)

Director: Paul Ziller

Country:  USA/Canada

Tagline:  It kills in cold blood

Plot:  A bunch of jocks get stranded in the Himalayas near the lair of two carnivorous Yetis.

Verdict:  Wow how can this movie possibly suck? ... yes I know what you are thinking, yetis? Carnivorous yetis? Really. What makes this movie truly abominable is the terrible special effects. These yeti's can LEAP, they also got some Mike Myers mojo going on, they don't die even if you shoot them, set them on fire, skewer them on large wooden stakes and cover them in an avalanche (although, to be fair, the "avalanche" was just the equivalent amount of snow that falls off the garage roof after a heavy downfall, kudos on the use of real avalanche footage though, it made the scene truly believable). Also, the college football team don't really seem to feel the cold... they are prancing around in their little jock jackets like they are having a snowball fight in California. The rabbit they are desperate to eat, despite looking relatively well nourished, seems to look more like chicken, although rabbits may have wings, what do I know? And each person gets a relatively big chunk of the poor little critter, perhaps the animal doubled in size while cooking? The plot holes are endless, I am surprised there isn't a longer list of goofs on imdb, I guess if you listed them all you'd be there all week.

Update COMING SOON!

Okay so I have sucked at updating recently... but I promise I have been watching the good, the bad and the most damn right heinous horror movies I could find and I WILL have them all up and reviewed for your pleasure so you can then go out and proceed to find the movies (or avoid the movies) in your local Blockbuster video store (other video rental stores are available...)

One Eyed Monster

I came across this gem while browsing through the movie channels late at night, oh how I love you Horror Channel, what did I do before you existed? Obviously didn’t watch Ron Jeremy’s penis detach itself from his body and start on a murderous rampage across a remote porn film set that’s for sure, those were dark days... This film = the mutated grandchild of the thing and alien fathered by a Ron Jeremy. It is quite honestly one of the most riDICKulous (like my pun? Oh hahaha) movies I have ever laid eyes upon, and I am queen of all films stupid.

Still unconvinced? Why the fuck are you reading this blog then?

Found these beauties!!...

From my zine review....

MY Top 5 Halloween Films

All set at Halloween, of course!

5. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Tim Burton’s fantastic animated film about a pumpkin king who tires of Halloween and brings horrors to children on Christmas day is perfect for all the family to enjoy, and what better time to watch it than in the months between Halloween and Christmas Day? It has become a cult classic, and one of Burton’s most loved films, it also boasts a killer soundtrack... 

4. Donnie Darko

Richard Kelly’s debut stars Jake Gyllenhaal as an odd boy who receives visions of a creepy Giant Rabbit named Frank in the 28 days leading up to Halloween, on which day, according to Frank, the world will end. This one may take a few watches to fully understand but it remains a favourite with critics. Watch out for clips of the Evil Dead while Donnie is in the cinema, another cult horror favourite suitable for a successfully spooky Fright Night.

3. Hocus Pocus

Bette Midler stars in this Family favourite about a group of three witches mistakenly brought back to life and raising havoc on a Salem. A young Jessica Parker and a very young Thora Birch co-star in this fantastical adventure completely suitable for kids, believe me I was one on its first release! Plus, how unbelievably frickin cool is this guys make up?? (see above!)

2. Trick ‘R Treat

The Halloween horror film version of Love Actually, minus the romance... need I say more? Stars Anna Paquin of True Blood fame and is a genuinely creepy watch. Creepy kid with a sack over his head and a knife? Yeah I thought you'd be shitting your pants too.

1. Halloween

I couldn’t miss out the classic John Carpenter slasher film, the perfect end to a Halloween Horror Movie Marathon. Who knew a Captain Kirk mask could be so unbelievabley creepy?!

Coming soon!

Cinema

The 3D remake of Fright Night starring Colin Farrell was released last month, and soon to come is Guillermo del Toro’s Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, yet another horror movie remake although this one promises to be a good don’t expect it to live up to the original. Also coming soon is the unnecessary reimagining of John Carpenter’s The Thing, needless to say I will still be seeing it...

DVD

If none of the above take your fancy why not rent something a little darker this Halloween? Here’s a few DVD releases that will get your skin crawling...

John Carpenter’s The Ward

Creepy ghost story from the legendary John Carpenter, his first full length feature film for ten years.

Scream 4

The fourth instalment of the popular tongue and cheek slasher trilogy sees David Arquette and Courtney Cox reunited on screen.

Supernatural Complete Season 6

Everyone’s favourite demon hunters return for a sixth season on DVD just as season 7 airs in the USA.

Stakeland

Brilliantly bleak vampire post apocalyptic horror, definitely worth a watch.

George A Romero Presents Deadtime Stories Vol. 1

Three 30 minute horror flicks from the Zombie master himself.

Horror Hall of Fame!

While on vacation in Ontario I came across a hidden gem of a movie theatre full of all sorts of movie related memorabilia! At the back of the theatre was a monster movie hall of fame game, can you guess all the movies represented? Here are a few of my favourites!

Stake Land (2010)

Director:  Jim Mickle

Country:  USA

Tagline:  The most dangerous thing is to be alive

Plot:  America is transformed into an apocalyptic wasteland inhabited by vampires and sadistic cults. A world  Richard Matheson envisioned in his novel, I am Legend back in 1954, Stake Land is a film he would have been proud to write.

Verdict: Stake Land is not for the faint of heart, it is a truly harrowing interpretation of a world consumed by sin. The world in which Martin and Mister live is inhabited by zombie-like vampires, but they aren't even the most dangerous creatures - a cult of white supremist, sadists control much of the north of America. Stakeland isn't everybody's cup of tea, and it certainly isn't anything like the previous run of zombie apocalypse or indeed vampire flicks plastered all over the big screen. The film is a horror, a drama, and a genuinely thought provoking film with brilliant direction and a superb cast of relative unknowns (Kelly McGillis hasn't been well known since the 80's, and Danielle Harris isn't a house hold name unless you are a uber movie geek like me!)
10/10

Fright Night (1985)

Director: Tom Holland

Country:  USA

Tagline:  There are good reasons to be afraid of the dark

Plot:  Horror obsessed Charley believes his new neighbour is a vampire, thing is.. nobody believes him.

Verdict: A cult movie classic, this one has every 80's horror staple. Charley's neighbour of course turns out to be a vamp who kidnaps his girlfriend in true Dracula style, 'glamouring' her into dancing with him and then turning her into an ugly vampire creature, whose hair miraculously grows while vampified and shrinks again when Charley comes to the rescue with Van Helsing, nay Peter Vincent. Basically it is a Dracula tale without most of the sexism (it's still the 80's) and less of the accents. A fun night is to be had watching it, but not a frightening one.